Saturday, April 11, 2009

Secret Societies

I guess I haven't ever seriously considered becoming a Free Mason. But perhaps I should! I've always wanted to secretly infiltrate some sort of organization. And the Free Masons seem like they're probably either trying to take over the world or destroy it with zombies.

Madison's Masonic Lodge

They had these handy brochures right outside their lodge, and if I joined I'd have a great opportunity to finally use some of my expert ninja skills. Plus I'd be joining the company of Benjamin Franklin, Mark Twain, and George Washington.

So the Pros would be that I might get a chance to use my crazy spy skills and save the world, while the Cons could include wasting time with old people and getting brainwashed into unleashing a zombie apocalypse. I think this will require more thought. If there are any free masons out there or anti free masons, feel free to help me make up my mind.


  1. I say join.

    I heard they are really hurting for new membership, so they're probably even accept you (zing!). All you need to do is bide your time while many of the older members die off. You'll have access to the power of the Free Masons, with the opportunity to shape the organization to do your bidding over time.

  2. If you want to join a group that is helping the community through charitable works go right ahead. I am afraid if you join expecting what you stated above you will be sorely disappointed. In reality even if this particular lodge needs members, they will interview you and you will be asked of your motives for joining and when the time comes for you to give your word that your motives are for the betterment of your community and yourself. I am concerned that you would swear falsely and think nothing of it. If you are such and individual, go ahead and try. Most likely you will be found out and denied admission. I am a Freemason and if I can answer any other questions for you please go ahead and contact me s0mewhereny at yahoo dot com.

  3. Anonymous' sarcasm / absurdity detector seems to be broken.

    Or maybe some anonymous troll, lurking the internet and commenting on blogs with maybe 3 hits a day, knows Jeff's and my personality better than we do and recognizes that we were actually being serious without realizing it. In that case, I profusely apologize. <-- HINT: sarcasm!

    BTW, my grandfather was a proud Freemason and you're a jackass.


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