Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Price of Becoming a Bond Villain

A few days ago I googled the word 'island' and stumbled across a website that sells private islands!  So I obviously began thinking, how much would it cost to become a Bond Villain?  Here are the fruits of my research:

Secret Lair: $499,000 - Every good villain needs a place to plan their evil plans, quietly lie in wait, and build dastardly contraptions.  Sure you could probably use your mom's garage as a secret lair, but if you want to be a villain cool enough to make it into a James Bond movie, you're gonna need an awesome secret lair.  That's where can help.  There are plenty of islands to choose from, some starting as low as $30,000.  But I choose this island for several reasons.  One, it comes with a house and a barbecue grill.  Two, it's fairly close to civilization.  Three, and most most importantly, the name of the island is LITERALLY 'Secret Island'.  How cool is that?

Personal Submarine: $58,000 -  Any good villain needs a way to return to his or her lair in secret.  International Venture Craft Corp. has several models of personal submarines for sale including a one-person submarine that sells for only $32K.  But I chose the 'SportSub III' model because it can carry up to three people, so aspiring villains can use it to easily transport robot body-parts, giant chests of pirate treasure or even a bodyguard and an incapacitated super-spy back to their secret base.

Henchmen (Private Bodyguard): $200 to $900 a day - I looked around for exact prices, and while most websites offering personal protection have lots of very impressive pictures of men dressed in black suits carrying weapons, none of them seemed to have upfront pricing.  Luckily, gives price estimates for almost anything, including hiring bodyguards.  You'll probably want to hire between 2 to 12 henchmen depending on what stage of your operation you're currently undertaking.

Deathtrap: starts at $1000 -  What are you going to do when you eventually defeat your nemesis and reveal your secret plans to them?  Why not feed them to your pet lion?  Apparently for around a thousand dollars you can purchase a baby lion cub on the internet, and raise it to hunt super spies.  I have no idea what an adult lion costs if you want to take shortcuts.  (I in no way endorse actually purchasing a lion cub for any reason, I may or may not endorse hunting super spies.)

Evil Plan to Conquer the World: Priceless - I was unable to find any evil plans for sale via the internet, so I guess you'll have to handle this yourself.  Although, destroying the world to start a new race of perfect humans on the moon is always a classic.  If you still need help, I recommend watching a bunch of Bond movies.

Total Cost: Approximately $600,000 - I estimated about two weeks worth of henchmen and added an extra $30,000 for various expenses that may pop-up.  This will probably only get you through your first month as a super villain, after that you'll have to kidnap a princess or invade Fort Knox to raise more funds.  Now, $600,000 is certainly not chump change, but it's definitely within the realm of possibilities.  I always thought that becoming a Bond Villain would be much more expensive.

1 comment:

  1. Haha, this is really great. I suggest reading "Soon I Will Be Invincible" for further research/fun read.


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