Saturday, March 28, 2009

Girl Scouts of America

I have been searching for signs of spring as of late. Little whispers have been appearing, like tiny flowers.

But today I stumbled across the most sure sign of spring there is, tiny children selling things.

Like Pavlov's dog, as soon as I saw that table full of cookies I instantly began to salivate. But after purchasing my cookies, I began to wonder if I should be suspicious of these small females. I know virtually nothing about the Girl Scouts, but their secrecy and strange pledges worry me. If I've learned anything from the free masons or the Illuminati, it's that anytime there are large groups of people surrounded by secrecy, they're probably trying to take over the world. What would we all do if we woke up one day to find that the Girl Scouts had all left to form their own nation, like some sort of modern day Amazon Warriors. Using their massive treasure to develop nuclear capabilities and leaving us addicted to cookies to which only they hold the secret formula? I think it's pretty clear we'd be helpless. Most girl scouts probably claim there is nothing to worry about, and they might even believe this. But who is to say they aren't sleeper agents, trained in deadly arts by ancient descendants of the great Amazonian Warriors??

I am calling for immediate sanctions and oversight of the Girls Scouts of America. The FBI needs to get some undercover agents in their organization ASAP, and the FDA should hold an immediate investigation of their cookies. If I'm right, and of course I am, someone bribed them years ago to look the other way as they began selling cookies that contain secret, massively addictive ingredients. I call on you to help me thwart their evil plans, America! Please contact your congressional representative and ask them to take action.


  1. Jeffrey,

    I miss you. And as a former Girl Scout, I have to advise you to keep your suspicions to yourself...its for your own safety...

  2. Amazons I can see...however if we start being suspicious of the girl scouts, we must be even more suspicious of the Boy Scouts. Always be prepared is my motto! Although I do not think the girl scouts would allow such atrocities as highly addictive ingredients. I am pretty sure that the ingredient you think is secret, illegal and highly addictive is just sugar and you are programmed to be addicted to it in your genes. Evil Girl Scouts, never! However, I do wonder where all that money goes to from selling girl scout cookies!


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